Has it really been so long since I wrote to you last? I had some health and home issues that apparently sapped me of some of my creative energy – more than I realized. It is disappointing to find myself without inspiration and energy. Just enough to keep me going but not more. I was trying to get a video about the art and faith retreat done as well as finish a painting I had been working on since December.
I was talking with my spiritual last week, sharing with her where I was at and about the past month. I could feel the weight of everything. My spiritual director asked me to take a minute and just listen to what God said about it all. And I heard “grace;” to give myself grace. Life happens – it was stressful, even if it wasn’t huge.
We had our Enneagram class on Thursday night. One of the types we were covering that evening was the “3,” which is my type. I shared a lot, including where I go in stress. There is a high side and a low side to the type where I go under stress. The low side (in a nutshell) is that I can feel a failure and just give up, quit. The high side is to rest, take care of myself, and for me, it is also to spend time with God, resting.
Two mornings later, as I was thinking it all through again, it clicked for me. I needed to give myself grace. I had been taking care of myself and resting, leaning into God. I hadn’t given up. It took much longer than I wanted, to get the things done. The video is below. The painting I am working on is still a work in progress. I can give myself grace. God loves me for who I am not what I accomplish.
This reminds me of the story of Elijah I read this month. (1 Kings 17-19) Here is a prophet who walks closely with God. For seven years of drought, God is providing for his needs. With God, he confronts and battles the 400 false prophets of Baal in an altar competition with God providing the consuming fire on a drenched offering. But when he is threatened with death by Jezebel, he runs away in fear and discouragement to Mount Horeb to talk to God. And God gives him grace and rest. God informs him that he is not the only one left who follows God. God has more work for him but provides him with an assistant that he will eventually pass on the work to.
Abiding in God, in Jesus, isn’t always going to go as we wish it to. It can be hard. We can feel discouragement and fear. I do not always handle it well. I am thankful that I did this time. Are you like me? Do you need to give yourself grace and space?
How do you respond to the feelings? Where do you go under stress?
Do you need to take a rest, give yourself grace? Consider a retreat to refresh your soul...